I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
