just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
