So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
