am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
