I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
