she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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