Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
