Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize