did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
