At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I forget how to act sober
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'm really busy with my period
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