girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
