Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
