i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize