Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
