last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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