Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
