You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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