is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
