dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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