I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
