her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
