who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
