You just made me feel so damn special
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize