Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
