My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
