i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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