Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
