There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
