I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i now understand why vodka
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
