we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
