Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
