we have pet lesbian snakes
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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