I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
