so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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