Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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