Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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