Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
