Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
