they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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