i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
