so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
