I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
