i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
