It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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