so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
