I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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