The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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