we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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