i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
