I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
