i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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