what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
