Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
