If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
