I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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