I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
