she woke up with a sticky ear
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had sex on a roof
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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