Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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