Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
