You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
