Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
