Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We have started to decorate penises.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
