So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
pray to the hookup gods
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize