so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
