Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
