Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
